MY SKITTLES ARE SHOOTING AT ME!!!

Adventures in Poor Taste grills @warrenwucinich, Fred Stressing ‘n me about the ZIM comic! adventuresinpoortaste.com/2016/09/19/inv…

I think the mere existence of Jimmy Buffet’s recording career may be another — if lesser — symptom of white privilege.

Army of Drunks Summer Tiki Special is up, with @katiemassa. Subscribe, you good-for-nothing drunkard!
armyofdrunks.net/?p=344

Hey! @comicsbeat interviews us about the ZIM comic thing! @OniPress @JhonenV @erictrueheart @essrose @DaveCrosland bit.ly/2aYhc8Q

Facebook: The medium is the message, and the message is two million howler monkeys screaming into the void.

#InvaderZIM no. 12 rated 5-out-of-5 Bastards by ComicBastards! @JhonenV @warrenwucinich @essrose comicbastards.com/comics/review-… via @ComicBastards

Idea: Half-hour sit-com about bored amphetamine addicts called “Me(t)h.”

Somewhere there’s a surgeon who starts every operation saying, “Time for Operation: Operation!” Then the nurses silently wish he was dead.

Every article you share on Facebook adds six hours to your life!

I don’t think you can believe in both conspiracy theories AND chaos theory.

Nobody here is a firework. Move along.

Can we add “vaguebrag” as a sub-species of “humblebrag?” It would be really awesome for me, but I can’t tell you why.

Second time today I’ve heard The Promise by 80s one hit wonder When in Rome in a public place. What’s the significance?? I DON’T KNOW!!

I’ll be at the #InvaderZIM comic panel tomorrow at #SDCC! 2:00-3:00 room 29AB. Signing at Oni Booth #1833 at 3:30!
instagram.com/p/BILO_3uD_8j/

Ordering coffee using only words and phrases borrowed from Michelle Obama.

WARNING: If you catch ’em all, you will then have to face the fundamental emptiness of your own existence.

Pro tip: You gotta catch ’em all, or they will band together and murder you in your sleep.

Never hire a clown who only works for drinks.

The only real question is how much Zardoz is enough Zardoz?

July 4th! Because what’s more American than over-eating and explosions?

Thought: Throw “Baby You’re a Firework” in a pit with “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” and let them murder each other.

Wait. It just struck me. Was The Benny Hill Show the Hee-Haw of the U.K.?

The next door mariachi band is back. Nice of the neighbors to provide enough mariachi for everyone.

The other day my Rick-Roll was blown by the obligatory pre-video ad. Commerce has officially ruined the internet!

There’s Irish Spring soap but no Arab Spring soap? WTF?

Once again @AdobeFlash has asked me to update my Flash player by consulting the original manuscripts and re-stacking the punch cards.

Going outside is like stepping into God’s hairdryer.

Still haven’t found myself living in a shotgun shack. I guess he did say “may.”

Times like this I ask, really, what if Todd was one of us?

Read every internet meme with Morgan Freeman’s voice in your head. Now stop that and read with Pauley Shore’s, because that’s more accurate.

Today is 06-16-2016, a very significant date for people who missed 06-06-2016.

Why yes, I am the same Eric Trueheart who punched Hitler in the kneecaps in issue #6 of “Cap’N America’s Best Pal Bucky.”

OK, nobody freak out, but you can watch Bob Ross on Netflix. Now try to go about your business.

Last night Trump got an average of 75% running against candidates who dropped out weeks ago. Will this giant wave of charisma ever break?

I Voted! Also Vetted, Verted, Vintaged, Vetoed, In Vitroed, Violaed and Vaunted. Then I farted. (Actually, I’m saving my fart for November.)

I wonder when we as a society will decide the number of things Edie Brickell is aware of reaches “too many.” I want a hard number here.

If I practice really hard, maybe some day I too can become an “experimental pop duo.”

Game of Thrones Spoiler: Peter Dinklage inserted rectally into dragon, makes sarcastic comment.

Does Godzilla poop? If he does, is it radioactive? If it is, could it be used to power a spaceship to the farthest star? No? Okay.

James Taylor’s seen fire and he’s see rain, but apparently not enough to burn him to death or drown him because HE KEEPS SINGING THIS SONG!

This bagel ain’t gonna eat itself. Is it? IT IS!! Sweet God what is happening?!

Every morning I look at my socks, and every morning I think, “These are my socks.”

I am celebrating my birthday by not dying!

I keep checking the internet to see if I’ve gotten more interested.

I really hope that secretary with the “Why Be Normal?” bumper sticker eats wolf spiders from a freshly-hollowed skull.

Dear Death, please take some shittier people now. I hear Trump bathes with a toaster on the edge of the tub.

One day you’ll be surrounded by young people who’ve never even heard of the heroes you grew up with.

Jury duty schedule for my birthday! I get a big gift-box full of civic responsibility

I think the people who say “Life is a gift” have never gotten an actual gift before.

Thinking about just commenting “DON’T CARE” on everyone’s photos on Facebook. Every last one. Think that’ll go over?

“Facebook: Never Forget Your Friends Have Cooler Lives Than You.”

Doomed Book Title: “Calling Asians the N-Word and Other Business Tips.”

Facebook: DUANE MARTIN AND TISHA CAMPBELL-MARTIN FILE FOR BANKRUPTCY!!!!
Me: I DON’T KNOW WHO THAT IS!!!
God: *PUNCHES ME OVER HORIZON!!!*

The words “Actual Live Backyard Amateur Mariachi Band” have come together to form something real, happening two doors down, right now.

Is Trader Joe’s really going to close all their stores forever? Or once I’ve killed myself will Joe jump out and yell psyche?

The homeless man also shouted, “I’ll use a nuclear bomb on your pelvis!”

I just saw a homeless man slam a payphone down and shout, “Bodybuilders! I hope you all starve, you Bodybuilders!”

This is Southern California. There are no seasons. Just one long stretch of uninterrupted sunshine until you suddenly realize you’re old.

I’m less unsettled by Ted Cruz’s adultery than by the inescapable knowledge that Ted Cruz has a functioning penis.

Warren Wucinich rox the brush! twitter.com/warrenwucinich…

Look, it’s the only Batman movie we have. If we could go see 10 BATMAN LANE or BRIDGE OF BATMANS or PRIDE & PREJUDICE & BATMAN, we would.

Yes, I’m excited for Batman vs Superman. It’s the only movie with Batman in it all year. Put Batman in more movies and I’ll get choosier.

I’ve heard Steely Dan back to back with Toto. This coffee shop is a Yacht Rock oasis.

“We Will Die in Apartments,” a stage play about single people grappling with the Los Angeles real estate market.

Shove off, Juan Pistolas!

“My Starbucks is where I get my favorite roast with the *perfect* amount of room..” was when I knew he was an android and must be destroyed.

He mentioned cocaine. Or as I call it, “Stripper Chow.”

I’ll have the toad in a hole, but can I have the hole on the side, please?

Does the five-second rule apply to virginity?

Long Beach Comic Con! What do Gargoyles and Invader ZIM have in common? I DON’T KNOW! @DaveCrosland facebook.com/events/1015953…

Watched the Dem debate last night. It was like… two grown-ups debating issues using facts and ideas. What madness is this?!?

Nice to see Hilary Clinton could take some time out from driving the Partridge Family bus.

While the rest of America is watching the sportsbowl, I’ll be watching my 71 year old dad get married. Way better than those Doritos ads.

Not sure which I enjoy more: ignoring the Super Bowl ads, or ignoring the people who care about the Super Bowl ads.

Webster’s dictionary defines “phoning it in” as quoting Webster’s dictionary in any public speech.

“Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster” has made me very happy. #glenmorgan #darinmorgan #themsyeriousjoyofexistentialangst

I don’t live in America… I live in THEmerica!!!

Mattel has also released He-Man with a beer gut!

Aw shoocks, Oni! twitter.com/OniPress/statu…

I don’t want to live in a world where I’m never unsure whether Abe Vigoda is dead or not.

I’m disappointed to discover COLONY doesn’t actually take place in a colon.

The Army of Drunks tribute to #DavidBowie is up. Drink the Ziggy Stardust cocktail along with us. armyofdrunks.net/?p=301

The saddest part of the Trump/Palin thing is there are kids right now thinking “Is this really how grown-ups act?”

The Big Short is a fantastic movie that will leave you flabbergasted over the banking business and Steve Carell’s hair.

Tarantino’s got a lot of nerve making me watch him jerk off in 70mm.

If M. Night Shyamalan opened a massage parlor… (add your own “twist ending” joke here.)

Sometimes I wonder, did Lynda Carter and Christopher Reeve ever make out?